We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
