Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize