This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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