Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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