it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
