This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
