I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
