You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
