Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Nicole vs. Life
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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