i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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