Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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