I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i wish my penis had a tongue
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
