she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
