My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
