so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
