When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
