i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
