So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The power of my boobs compel you
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
