He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
