So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
