I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need a beard to bite.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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