Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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