I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
where are my eyebrows?
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