Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
