i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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