margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
