She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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