I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im six kinds of drunk right now
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
