Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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