she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
