How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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