anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
