my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
