What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
