plz talk dirty to me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We are two peas in an std pod
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
