These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Bring me that man meat
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
