Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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