This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The air was thick with penises
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
