he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
