I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
