They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
