Screwed.edu
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
