He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
