If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
cat food counts as protein by the way
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
