i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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