i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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