I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
