Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
