Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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