So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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