come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
3pm strippers are depressing
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize