hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
