it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
