I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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