i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
