I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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