im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
