yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just threw up on my dentist
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
