The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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