Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
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