All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
