I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
