i think my tv is drunk
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
