I'm going to rape someone's good day.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
