i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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