hell yes lets make some ravioli
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
