That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
