Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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