I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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