Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
