So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
