You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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