I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
