i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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