Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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