All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
