We're facebook friends in real life
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
