New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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