Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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