Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
