my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
