yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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