Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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