Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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