i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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