i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
