I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
