is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
