dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize