life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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