I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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