Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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