last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
