Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
