I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
