Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize