Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
this just has baby written all over it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
