Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My dick has a subreddit
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
