fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
