After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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