I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
