you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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