actually, I'm a sock model
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
